Sombre to Humor!

I had been to the monthly meeting of our Humor club, at the Apple International School, yesterday. Usually, I used to go prepared, but this time I did not make any preparation, as I was not planning to get on to the stage.

We reached the venue in the midst of the program with good gathering of audience already present. Suddenly, I was asked to come on to the stage to contribute. Thrown on to the stage, I stumbled upon an idea to talk about the impending Tamil and Malayalam New year and, tell some story of a poor poet of yonder years.

The poor poet goes to seek some favour from a descendant of a well known family of a philanthropist by singing several odes full of hyper boles.

The poet goes on singing one after another ode, but the expected gift was not forthcoming from the philanthropist. Finally,he gifts an elephant to the poet in praise of his works. Needless to say, this gift has come as a shock to the poor poet than a pleasant one.

Being very poor, he did not want to reveal the huge living creature he got as a gift, he uses punny language when his wife enquires to find what he got from singing praises on the philanthropist.

His wife takes other useful substitutes of the words he uses for indicating elephant and feels happy that his husband has earned something useful that will solve their woes. Finally, poet uses a word which has no other meaning than an elephant.

On hearing this, the poor poet's wife goes dumbstruck.

This I narrated to praise one of the poppular programs conducted in humor club in which witty and punny words are used.

The gathering instead of enjoying the underlying humor, went in a sombre mood, feeling for the poor poet and his family.

I had great difficulty in changing the Sombre mood back to Humor one, for which I had to use several tactics without much success!

Drive to drive

Sometime back, a person close to me, gave me this title, "Jadam"!

Jadam means a person or a creature that does not have feelings or emotions!

Well, certain incidents in my life makes me believe that the title is worth it!

I joined a driving school almost 2 years ago and,I am still nowhere near getting a driving licence.

I this institute after doing a quick evaluation of various institutes. For some reason I chose this "Blessed Driving" Institute, may be I got besotted by its name, really not knowing what was in store for me.


The manager who took the advance fee for the entire course,telling me that he will do "Compileet job", vanished from the sceen after my clearing my reverse parking test and taking only a few driving classes.

Thereafter, it was "hide and seek' with him for over 2 years. With my "jadam" behaviour, or can I say my perseverance?, I could complete the required training.

Today, I just came back from one un-successful attempt of "Kachcha" test!

The RTA inspector told me that I needed 5 more classes of training as I was too fast on the wheels and needed more concentration!

My 'Blessed Instructor' told me that I should be fast on main roads, which, I apparently followed during the test!

Now I am only hoping that I will have enough drive to take another test.

But, being a 'Jadam', I am sure I will have enough "Drive to drive"!

Expect the unexpected

There was this deaf young man who was visiting his old and ailing uncle in his home town. Being deaf himself, he plans the conversation that he would make by guessing the responses to each dialogue that he would engage with his uncle.

Thus he rehearsed: first I will ask him, "uncle! how is your health?" when the uncle would reply "it is improving", now I will say "Oh that is very good.. what medicine you are taking"? Now the uncle will tell the name of the drug...I can say "yes that is the best medicine" and so on.

When he arrives at his uncle's place and asks the rehearsed questions,the story brings out how the replies make the whole conversation turns out to be ridiculous!

You want to get certain job done, and go with all documents you think are necessary. The person at the other side of the counter asks the one which you have thought irrelevant and did not carry along! The whole day is wasted as you have to visit again with the required document.

Life is like that!

It is full of twist and turns. The other day, one of my colleagues narrated his experience at the emigration counter. First he submitted all the documents and apparently all documents were okayed. But he wanted to know how soon he can collect the document and, went to enquire about it.

At this point of time, the person at the counter verified the whole set of documents again and wanted some additional information!

I was particularly worried about the lack of business enquiry one day. Unexpectedly, I received enquiries for business from 4 new contacts who were referred by existing clients.

It is needless to say, even good things can happen suddenly. So be prepared to expect the unexpected!

Persevere to preserve

I bought a tube of new tooth paste as the one I was using neared completion. When you are alone you have to even plan little things, like replacing the tooth paste in washroom ready for use, the next day morning.

When I didn't find the new tooth paste readily available in the wash room, I squeezed the old one to find enough paste available for use. It happened again and again almost for a week ! I remembered my uncle, who used to squeeze out the tooth paste by crushing it agaist the door hinges so as to leave no trace!

My mobile phone track ball was giving trouble, to the extent that people who observe me would think that I am obsessed with my mobile phone, as I kept on fidgeting the instrument. I was dithering the idea of buying a brand new mobile, just because the track ball was giving problem.

Finally I made up my mind to replace the troublesome mobile when I visited a famous mall recently. With little hope of salvaging my mobile, I enquired a dealer if he can replace the track ball. He referred me to another shop who are repairing mobiles. By paying AED50/- I could bring back my mobile phone to active life again!

The other day I had a visitor from Mumbai. Whilst wearing his shoes, as he was leaving,made this comment that the shoes needed replacement but he could not find a comfortable pair for long! He was wearing the shoes for over 10 years now! Even I have a few old collections such as my wrist watch, which has clocked over 20 years!


On hindsight, I feel that one should take a choice between repair or renew. In otherwords you persevere to preserve!

Search and find

A teacher experienced this incident.

She goes to the class, takes the attendance and proceeds to clean up the board. The duster was not in its cradle and she asks the children to find out.

Not found in the class room, she tells the children to search under their desks...
One of the children make a comment.. "search through"Wikipedia"!

To seek some favor, a student meets a professor who has authored many books but the student has never read one. Even as he talks to the professor, he searches from the Internet the title and details of professor's works. He uses the information and impresses the professor to get his job done!

Number of people participate in quiz programs or other media competitions, use the net to give correct answer.

Thousands of strangers meet through the net every day and exchange a lot of information through social networking sites, and in the process, get emotionally attached. The other day I met a friend who said that I have adopted a sister from Switzerland. I call her "swister"! He started identifying her as his emotional aquifer!

Like you see in some curios shop, Human Mind is also like a fragile item. As you may note the warning in the shop, it is nice to lift it up and hold it, but never let it go by loosening the grip, or tighten it, for both actions would result in irreparable damage!

So friends please advise your near and dear ones to ACCESS NETWORKING SITES WITH A LITTLE EXTRA CAUTION!

திருக்குறள் தரும் மேலாண்மை கருத்துக்கள்

திருக்குறள் தரும் மேலாண்மை கருத்துக்கள் பற்றி எழுத வேண்டும் என்று எனக்கு நீண்ட நாளாக ஆசை இருந்துவந்ததுண்டு . அதன் காரணம் நான் மேலாண்மை துறையில் வல்லுனன் என்ற எண்ணத்தினால்அல்ல. திருக்குறள் கருத்துக்கள் எல்லாம் இன்றைய நாட்களில் மேலாண்மை பற்றி வெளிவரும் புத்தகங்களில் புதிய கண்டுபிடிப்புகள் என்பது போல சித்தரிக்கபடுவதை காணும் பொழுது, பல ஆயிரம் ஆண்டுகளுக்கு முன்பே படைக்கப்பட்ட திருக்குறளை நாம் ஏன் அத்தகைய கருத்துக்களின் முன்னோடியாக விளக்கக்கூடாது என்ற எண்ணத்தின் அடிப்படையில் தோன்றியதுதான் இன்று நாம் காண இருக்கும் இந்த இணைய தள புலம்பல்கள் (ப்லோக்..!)

இன்று நாம் ஒரு திருக்குறள் தரும் மேலாண்மை கருத்துக்களை காண்போம்:-

Delegation

இதனை இதனால் இவன்முடிப்பான் yendraindhu

அதனை அவன்கண் விடல்

The couplet in 7 words explains the concept of delegation in a comprehensive manner. It talks about selection of right person based on qualification,experience, aptitude and attitude. And once such selection is made, recommends delegation of the job to that person.

I wonder if delegation can be explained by any one in a better fashion at all.

Scent of Life!

Getting on to the backseat of my car on the very first day, with Pappu as Chauffeur, I realised some thing was different. There was a strong whiff which disturbed me. Can you sack your driver on his first day of employment, because of his body odour? I can't. May be because I am a soft hearted idiot!

I quietly presented him with two sets of new vests. Advised him to come to work every day cleanshaven and only after having daily shower. I perfumed my car with some liberal dose of Aerosol to overcome this problem.

In Mumbai, I stopped going by local train for long. Once I asked my relative, 'why don't you go by First Class so that you can avoid the crowd and inconvenience'? He told me that the difference between First class and cattle class is nothing great, that in Second Class one can get natural perfume whereas in First class, you can smell artificial perfume!

The other day, I got in to the lift alone and experienced nausea due to the strong whiff that was left lingering. Some one who used the lift just before me, must be a owner of an obnoxious chemical factory!

A person smoking cigar will not feel its smell but for others it will be intolerable. What to say, many are oblivious of what they cause to others. A little extra care about personal hygiene and using some mitigating agents such as perfumes would solve this issue.

I remember during my hostel days when, just lying in my bed and closing the eyes, I can identify a few hostel mates passing by my room. My friends used to ask me how I could to identify a person just by his scent?

Afterall, this is what is known as the Scent of Life!

An elegy to departed brother

People used to think I am your elder brother
Whenever we’re seen moving together!
Those were the days spent in childhood
I recall what we did in our neighborhood!



In the school, I used to pick up quarrels every day
you will be there to resolve the issue in a safe way
You took pride in my every success
And felt more pain in my failures

You made a dish using a vessel made of lead
Kept in oven without water and it melt
Scared of consequences and filled with guilt
Locked in a room, all day you slept!



People used to think I am your elder brother
Whenever we’re seen moving together!
Those were the days spent in childhood
I recall what we did in our neighborhood!



On your way from your college so late
You bolted the guard in railway toilet
When your friend was caught and held hostage
You had to surrender and seek his safe passage!

When you have to attend NCC parade
You would turn to me for haircut made
The fee in kind promptly you’ll give back
Bringing me those free refreshment pack!



People used to think I am your elder brother
Whenever we’re seen moving together!
Those were the days spent in childhood
I recall what we did in our neighborhood!



Selected for Education Corps in your teen
Counting years, since you left, it's eighteen
Taught the soldiers simple science in Hindi
When yourself struggled to talk Hindi!

Spent your youthful years serving the nation
Contributing to family even from your ration
To sum up your life with passion:-
‘Full many a gem of purest ray serene the dark unfathom'd caves of ocean’



People used to think I am your elder brother
Whenever we’re seen moving together!
Those were the days spent in childhood
Only memories to stay in this livelihood

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I asked my driver Pappu about his age and date of birth. He gave some vague number but could not give month and date. When I found out the date given in the driving licence,pat came his reply, "Sir that was given by that agent at the time of taking the licence, the correct date of birth... even my parents will not know!

Recently, I asked one of my assistants about the age of his father. He was not able to tell the exact age! He said that his father may be in his sixties!

But the younger generation has a different story. They celebrate Birthdays in grand manner and also keep a track on birthdays of their friends, if not their family members!

There are also facilities in internet and other social networking sites who not only give alerts about your Birthday, but also about all your friends, friends' friends and, so on!

With technology and modern lifestyle, there will be hardly anyone who would not know his birthday!

All said and done, for those agencies around the world who are involved in collecting demographic data, they have to confront with scores of "pappus" who cannot tell their date of birth!

For now it is H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y to all those readers who celebrate birthday today!

Quality is divine

Do you have an uncanny way of finding out quality stuff amongst other choices?

It is said that experts can find out original stuff from fakes by using their senses although they cannot explain as to how they are able to identify.

I have this aunt who used to buy a non-descript brand of cleaning powder. She makes it a point to buy large quantities, whenever she happened to go to her native place, where this brand was not available. I used to wonder why she chose some new and unpopular brand of cleaning powder when, in the market, there were several high-end products available?

Within a couple of years,this non-descript brand became number one product in the market!

How is it that two cooks from the same school are not able to cook food in the same tasteful manner, even when they are provided with same quality and quantity of ingredients?

I would say that this is what quality is made of! Quality does not require extra efforts but only requires involvement and care.

In cooking, this is what is called "taste of the hand"!

I should mention here that only yesterday my client told me that they have shortlisted me as a preferred service provider, from amongst several others.


Yes! I strongly believe that divinity follows quality!

Old man and Sinbad

Old man piggybacking Sinbad used to listen to Sinbad with empathy. He will feel sorry for his sufferings.. Also he will admit the fact that Sinbad has to pass through the difficult terrains for several days without food and water and without adequate rest... But the Old man will never offer to climb down and give some respite!

Women's reservation Bill had the support of many parties and appeared to get cleared in the Rajya Sabha on the 8th march, the world women's day. With major opposition parties and allies supporting, it appeared that India was going to witness the momentuous occasion of affirmative action for half of the population to mark the 100th anniversery of world women's day.

But alas! Sympathisers abound; the floor managers have floored the Bill on women's day! But, managed to pass it in upper house the next day.

Like sinbad's travails, still the bill is to be carried through a long and tortous route before it can be brought in force.

No wonder the Bill is called women's reservation Bill; that everybody has some 'reservation' to support it!

An Ode to Twitter!

Clutter clutter
my inbox clutter


Hence,twitter better
as tweets are shorter!


Mutter mutter
your sweet tweets mutter!


Flutter flutter
my heart goes flutter


Yes! twitter twitter
makes life glitter!

Communicate or Complicate?

I have learned to communicate with people from my failed communications!

There are several such instances which have made me improve my communication skills, or am I being naive to believe so?

When I was in Gujarat, I used to make phone calls to my family after 11 pm so that I make calls for 25% of tariff. When I went a little before 11 pm and found "telecom" center devoid of usual crowd, I remarked to the operator, "Aaj bilkul free laktha hai"(meaning there is no crowd!), for which he replied "No Sir, 50% charge! Period.

I engaged this driver"Pappu" who came from interior part of UP, India. Although he needed a lot of moulding for him to be called a driver, I selected him after a brief interview by my family members, purely for his innocence and to help a man who has come from far flung place to eke out a living.

Within a week of his joining, I took my guest proudly to a meeting venue in my car with Pappu on wheels, telling all the details of my newly acquired driver.

We reached the gate of the venue, when I told him in Hindi, to the effect that "stop near the gate, watch out if some vehicles are coming and then go in".... Pappu carefully followed my instruction by stopping the car near the gate, got out of the car and went inside to find if any vehicle was coming!

Both of us could not control our laughter.

Then I realised my mistake. Like what competent communicators do, I failed to notice the "Entry behaviour" of the receiver.

Both words and silence, can communicate a lot. Think for a while, all of you. Try and stop communicating with your near and dear for more than the usual interval and see what it communicates!

Well readers, use your skills and,be careful as to how you Communicate or else, you will complicate matters!

DSF Indulgence

Wanting to know what DSF has to offer to us this year, I visited some malls with a friend. Finally we went to this popular mall in the heart of Dubai, which was full of shopping enthusiasts.

Whilst we were window shopping, this Nigerian girl with sharp features drew our attention when she waved at us to look at the stuff she was trying to sell. It was like a gift pack. When I went to have closer look,she took my arm and started rubbing my nails with a rectangular eraser like porduct, quickly turning its sides.

After this excercise, she cleaned my nails with a cotton by applying some mineral oil, which came with the pack. Wow! my nail looked like a polished gemstone! Now, I was interested in the product which she said will be for a fixed price of AED80. She explained to me that first I should use the purple surface to rub the nails, then white and, finally the grey surface.

Although I bought it for my daughters, I wanted to do it myself to see how it works. No sooner I reached home,I did this manicure and pedicure excercise as per the instruction of this Nigerian Sales girl. Very next day, I could notice my colleagues and friends giving a closer look at my well groomed nails!

Last week a friend of mine came from Mumbai who offered to carry any thing that I would like to be handed over to my family. I sent with him a few other things that I had purchased but retained this manicure-pedicure set myself!

Yes! with my family away in India, this DSF Indulgence is an exclusive one!

Around the world in 240 minutes!

Last Saturday was particularly a boring one as I kept on doing household chores like washing, cleaning and cooking food for myself, when my friend called up to find if I would be interested in going to Global Village in his company. He also joyfully said that he will take care of the entry permit part and so I need not worry on that count.

I over came the temptation by accepting his offer!

All the way, we were chit chatting about the geographical and political barriers that kept away people in the confines of their boundaries and the sad reality of human beings subject to controls such as Pass port, Visa and Entry permit requirements to go from one country to another.

The discussion moved on to some movies such as 'Around the world in eighty days', and a vernacular movie in Tamil like, "Globe trotting young man"... etc.

We resolved to undertake some planned trips with families to cover various parts of the world.

Then I observed birds don't require any visa or permits to enter any territory and for them the entire globe is like a small village!

My friend said that today we can visit many countries without spending anything for entry permit and we should quickly cover as many contries as possible by 8 pm.

Even as I was pondering what he said, we reached the gate no 4 at Global Village, when my friend flipped the "Complementary Entry Permits" that he had with him!

True to his wish, we criss-crossed many countries, tasted "Molly Thai Fruits", took snaps with Kenyan aborigins, went to see China, joyfully crossed over to Pakistan and purchased few shawls and hob nobbed with our neighbor and even held a prelude to Indo-Pak friendly Talks!

Flavor of city

Every city has its own culture or what I call “Flavor”. When I moved from South of India to Mumbai in the year 1994, I was wonder struck by the unique “Flavor” of Mumbai.
It was very strange for me to watch people jump on to the train when it arrives empty and even when there was no crowd on the platform! Mumbaikars always had this habit of catching the train in a hurry! When I observed the hand bags carried by the public, it struck to me that I am totally out of sync with the rest of the population. Every one carried slender bags or brief cases to fit easily on the attic of the local train and to easily glide past the crowd.
Even the hand carts in Mumbai were of slender type not frequently seen anywhere in India. They are designed to wade through the crowded streets and alleys of Mumbai fort area.
Needless to mention, Mumbai is full of eateries, including restaurants and roadside shops and sandwich wallahs. “Mumbai burger” i.e. the ‘vada pav’ stalls are the higlight of the city. Due to this flavor,life in Mumbai is still orderly amist disorder found every where!
Similarly, when I landed in UAE, here too, a few things struck me; such as the habit of vehicles giving way to pedestrians, especially to ladies, even if they cross the road at undesignated places.
The list continues with, Vacum cleaned roads, parks, neat and clean public conveniences, Restaurants keeping hand washing solution and tissue papers without any limitation, besides provision of special chairs for children.
And, roads designed for differently abled persons, watchman for each building having very important role with respect to the management of the buildings!
Not to mention, Malls, well groomed locals, a number of video and DVD shops, attractive Roastaries, and Pizza corners.
This flavor makes me think that orderly life has become order of the day.

Note: This one appeared in "Gulf Today" 13th february,2010 edition on page 2

Away from home and lonely?

Times of India Sunday edition carried a feature about various celebs and leaders who lead a lonely life at the top. It is said that people who succeed in life or in their career, often find no real friends when they reach a level, when they have to lead a lonely life all by themselves.
I have become one of those thousands of lonely leaders who have left their country to work here in the Gulf, since February,2008.
Like all other expat singles, I have learned to live with this loneliness by thinking about family and friends in the home country.
To beat the boredom of loneliness, I have developed this habit of watching TV, listening to music or singing aloud songs most of the time and looking forward to the company of one or two friends I have managed to acquire here!
Loneliness has its advantages too. When left alone, you tend to focus more on your goals and achieve them. For e.g., if you are a marketing person, you visit a client alone ahead of others so that you get a client! If you are a lone applicant, you get the job! And, in lighter vein, if you are alone you get a proposal!
I have started a blog only after coming to UAE. I have developed interest in buying paintings, potted plants. I have, now, a little aquarium for company!
After a gap of 25 years, I revived my chess game, that I used to play during my high school and college days, took part and won championship in a tournament, thanks to this loneliness!
So all of you expats, who are alone, don’t feel lonely and depressed... you have many opportunities knocking at your doors!

P.Subramanian-Sharjah

Note: This piece appeared in "Gulf Today" 6th february,2010,issue in pg 4 with the title"Beat The Boardom"

CBSE X BOARD EXAMS ON THE WAY OUT

Bungi jumping is not easy for every one. But when taken to see others do it, somehow you muster up courage to do it by closing your eyes and holding your breath.... This is how finally the government has decided on CBSE exams... !

It is really a bold step although it is not complete in itself. By giving an option for students who want to take the board exams, the present system would continue for a while.

If I were to take the decision for the ministry, I would simply have scrapped X Board as well as Plus two at one go!

Can any one say it would be enough to do plus two and stop with it for life? Is there any scope of a decent employement after finishing plus two or there is any possibility of joining a professional course with only the board exam grade and without having to go through the entrance and selection procedures?

As I had already expressed, plus two board exam, like the 10th board are only serving as stress generators on the young adults and their parents of our country.

I had mentioned earlier that the board certificate is finding usage in employment and other requirements of the government agencies only to be of proof of age of the citizens. Now that the National id card mission is taking of, there will be no such need in the future.

So my dear folks in the postions of power in the government and educational institutions, pl wake up to the fact and start thinking out of your Boxes!

Scrapping Board Exams- Mail sent to NDTV

In those days SSLC would be used as proof of Age! Number of people scoring above 75% were very few. Now the pass percentage is very high and number of children scoring very high marks has resulted in getting admission to good Colleges very difficult.

IITs have already de-recognised Board marks(XII)!

Board exams have only ruined the Social life of Parents and the formative lives of our Children!

Kudos to Kapil(sibal) & his Team. They should still go ahead and think out of the box to remove all board exams now!

The National identity project will take care of need to have a proof of Age in the form of a board certificate!

IS THERE A SHORTCUT TO CLEANSE INDIAN GOVERNANCE?

I am fed up with people talking endlessly about improving the Governance, routing out corruption and seeing that all the development plans of the government reaches the end user for whom they are supposedly directed at... and so on!

When honesty as a virtue rests only with the arm chair philosophers, retired middleclass "chatterettis" and few mavericks who are good at sending soundbites now and then, there is no way we will find hope of having "Ram Rajya" in India. By "Ram Rajya" I dont mean the entry of "saffron brigade" to the seat of power. It is out of that mythological belief of having a fair and free state where the governance is based on equality, justice and honesty in its true sense and the government can boast really on the catch words they have, "Satyameva jayethe"(TRUTH ALONE TRIUMPHS).

There is a saying that a single tree can never become a farm. So also this silos approach of people by simply craving and talking their heart out for having a "Rama Rajya" can never happen in reality.

So is it only a blind vision or utopia un-attainable? Or is it ever achievable but waiting for some revolution or evolution to take place?

I have some hope; and the hope is that at some stage, some institution will get committed to bring in a sweeping new change in our country...


But all said and done, I can now think of one great institution doing a great job in the conduct of the elections in India. yes! The Election Commission of India which is now a respectable organisation in India vested with quasi(or real) judicial authority.

I really admire the EC in being a watch dog during the process of election and being a tough administrator of electoral process by bringing a lot of discipline in electioneering process, campaigns, code of conduct for the participants etc. I see a great role for this organisation in building a vibrant, honest and strong Indian Government, that will eventually build a corruption-free society, that is India!

In this blog I would like to point out to the readers about the transformation or metamorphism the EC has done to itself in that it has emerged as a powerful institution from a mere "conductor of elections". I admire Mr.Seshan who gave a new dimension to EC which resulted in a "spinoff" in that the successive CECs have even gone several steps ahead of him in changeing the institution of EC in to the custodians of Democracy!

Now, I would only suggest that the same institution can take up the responsibility of cleansing the Indian Governance by seeing that "Truth alone triumps" by ensuring that no party gives fantastic and unrealistic election promises to hoodwink the voters.

My only suggestion is that ECs should also ask the parties to explain their "Manisfestos" for its "reasonableness" and may be asked to give a clear road map as to how they will achieve the promises in their term, if voted to power.


Alternatively, a MOU can be signed with the parties, like the corporates obtaining "WIGs" (wildly important goals to be achieved in a year of apprisal) agreements from their top executives! I am sure that ECs will be in their rights to obtain this, as the parties who contest elections are issuing Manifestos which can be equated to "offers" or prospectus to a public issue.



The other institutions or office I mentioned elsewhere could be the President of India, The CJI, the Speaker of Lok Sabha, Comptrollor and Auditor General or Attorney General of India. It is only a matter of time that they really realise that they can take up this responsibility on themselves.


My intention is not to put the onus only on one institution, that is EC. As it is election time, and I see lot of promise that this Institution has in Cleansing the Indian Governance, I aired my views.

There is no doubt that when a beginning is made so imperceptibly (yet significantly), a collage of high offices can make great strides in this direction!

Any takers!?