Growth issues

Every day, in the morning, the first thing I would do is to see my weight in the weighing scale. Well, the day when I think I have reduced my weight, the scale would show higher reading than expected! I wanted to reach below the 80 kgs mark. To achieve that, I started on a regime of fast walking and also bought an 'abs reduction' special exercise chair from a mall from Dubai.

Now, with a renewed confidence of controlling my weight at my will, I decided to do an experiment. I went for 45 minutes fast walking and, thereafter, I had a lighter dinner than usual, thinking that the next day I would reach below 80 kg mark. But to my utter disappointment, after all the exercises, the scale read 83 kg as against the previous reading of 81 kg!

Recently, I was going through the exchange rate of Indian Rupee against Dhiram. Strangely I found a correlation to my weight! I found 1000 rupees equaling 83dhs! I was biding time to see that Rupee value would become weaker against Dhiram, so that I can transfer some money. I kept a benchmark level of INR1000 to go below 80dhs, so that I can transfer some money back home. I waited and waited for this to happen, like I was craving for my weight reduction.

Believe me; both my weight as well as the exchange rate never met my expectations for the past several months.

Well, I am planning to have a sumptuous dinner tonight and to head for the bank tomorrow, skipping the weighing machine and ignoring the growth issues!

Driving crazy

It is 3 years since I landed in Shajah. In whole of UAE, Sharjah is supposed to be topping the list of emirates wherein getting a Driving License is considered most difficult and uphill task!

Initially, I sort of, pooh poohed those who were telling this to me. I felt that it would be just a cake walk for me, especially when I had the experience of driving vehicles for over 20 years, having obtained the license 20 years ago in home country, and also with blemish less track record.

On my first "Kacha"test, my RTA inspector hesitated for a while whether to clear me or not and finally told me that word "talim". When I looked up in disappointment, he told those words, "Next time, I will pass you, Insha Allah"!

I felt that it would be just a matter of another test and thereafter one final assessment, then I would have in my hands, that beautiful piece of plastic card which would be precious than other credit cards snuggled away in my wallet!

Since then, and strangely enough, I have been giving "Kacha" tests for five more times without luck and, not had the chance of meeting the same RTA inspector who had made that promise.

When you fail once, the next time around you change the style of driving from defensive to offensive and vice versa or, adapt a submissive style. Last test was on 26th February, when I went with a resolve that I will just go and drive without even blinking for a moment that there is an Inspector by your side.

When came my turn, I simply pulled out my car from the parked position on the side of the road from inside the yellow line, and the moment he signaled me to go faster, I started racing faster and faster and in the process, overtook a trailer by the fast lane and came back to the right side. He then made me to take a right turn and one more right turn, before finally instructing me to park on the road side.
I saw to it that I parked the car exactly as per the copy book style that my instructor had told me during the training.

Back at the RTA driving school when we reached with the 4th candidate, the inspector signaled 3 of us as having passed.

I never felt happier when I got promoted in my previous job or when I got a baby or even when I got married!

The inspector came and handed over me the slip with the "Pass" stamp. I thanked him and before leaving the place, I gave a glance at him, when I was pleasantly surprised to see the very same person who said to me those words, " Next time, I will pass you, Insha Allah"!

Impromptu....

Impromptu is an attempt to render a song or a speech without any preparation or referring to any text or written script.

Thesaurus explains the word impromptu as something Spoken, performed, or composed with little or no preparation or forethought: ad-lib, extemporaneous, extemporary, extempore, improvised, offhand, snap, spur-of-the-moment, unrehearsed. Informal, off-the-cuff.

Most of us would get in to a situation when you are asked to say a few words in front of a gathering, a formal or informal group.

I observe that in earlier days, i.e. prior to the invasion of internet and computers, impromptu speeches were quite common and people were not uncomfortable doing it. But now with social networking sites making people glued to their seats in front of lap tops/computers, the changes in life style have almost made them recluse and not ready for such adventures like addressing a gathering. Even if pushed to make a speech, they make awkward attempt and fail to impress the crowd.

Impromptu is also a wonderful word as it can be used as an adjective, adverb or even noun! Impromptu means improvisation. Therefore, a person attempting it should have creativity. But to say that creativity can be only with a select few and not with all is simply wrong. Every one can make an impromptu, with a little bit of effort.

We have heard lot of folklores which are nothing but impromptus! Something which happens on its own without any special preparation, pre-meditation or prodding can be termed as impromptu. In a way, the revolution that happened in Egypt is also an impromptu!

My own attempts at impromptus have been fairly good but there were occasions when I could not make a free flowing speech as well. I have now learned to use a technique whereby if the topic is not really a comfortable one, dwell around it by frankly admitting my lack of knowledge, in a self-deprecating way, to make it interesting!

Well, the topic I chose to write was not prompted by anybody or pre-planned but popped up simply like the word itself, an "Impromptu"!

Myna Musings

There was a function to felicitate the Director-producer of the new sensational Tamil movie, Myna, at the Ajman Royal Palace Hotel. The meeting was hurriedly conducted, inviting only a few members of Humor club.


The director had come to Dubai for the screening of the movie at the 7th International film festival-DIFF2010.

Before the meeting, I was interacting with the director Prabu Solomon about his journey to success. He was quite philosophical in saying that 'successes don't come by luck but only earned by the dint of hard work'. If one has to wait for luck to favor then it is almost impossible to achieve success.

He also pointed out the habit of many people who would fall into a trap of superstitions and beliefs about the influence of celestial forces. They would not take up any venture during such 'bad period', fearing that they will fail.

Talking about the movie, he said that the main reason for the success was the choice of location and, the cast who are new faces, synchronising very well with the local charactors. He was quick to add that the beautiful locations of the movie worked out to be the 'second hero' of the movie, which was so refreshing and never picturised by other cinematographers.

My journalist friend was probing the director very enthusiastically. I whispered into his ears that he could bag a grand-father role in his next film, whilst I may settle for a slightly inferior role of, say Hero's....... father!

Onions and Tomatoes

Never gave much attention to Onions and Tomatoes although they are the most important ingredients in every day diet. There was a politician in Tamil Nadu who would use the word 'Vengayam', meaning Onion, as a cliche in his speaches. This word is also used to tease or to be-little anyone or any matter, including Onion!

On the other hand, tomatoes are used to show public anger if the speaker goes astray in his speaches! There is a famous tomatoe festival celebrated in Spain every year,in which public make merry by taking bath in 'tomato slurry' and throwing tomatoes all over the town!

Tomatoes and onions are popular crops found in most of the kitchen gardens. Whilst the desi variety of tomatoes are almost extinct nowadays, the desi variety of onions have taken a prestigious place in the hearts of connoiseurs and culinary experts!

Why suddenly the prices of these vegetables have shot the roof in India is a raging debate and a hot media attention now. Maharashtra is the major Onion producer in India. There is a small town on the way to Goa, which is the capital of Onion wholesale trade. I hope readers would identify and respond about this onion capital in their comments. Sometime back, I had an opportunity to visit this town on a business visit(not for wholesale purchase of Onions!).

At that time I came to know from a local that the richest in town are those Onion wholesale traders. They procure onions directly from farmers and hoard it until it is'right time' to sell. They control onion prices and make unbelievable profits!

When I hear the news about the soaring prices of Onions, I am convinced that the households will switch over to 'Jain' preparations,i.e total ban of Onions from their every day menu!


Needless to mention that Onions have become highly potent now, in that one can get tears from the mere feel or thought of it rather than from the peel of it!

Leaks are inevitable!

The mini shower in the toilet was leaking. I called the plumber who fixed it with a new Shower head. After a week it again started leaking. This time the plumber changed the leaking one with a plastic shower head he had as a spare.

I think it is time for leaks. The shower started leaking again. This time the leak was profound like the wikileak!

In a movie, a comedian undergoes a surgeory after receiving an accidental electric shock. As a side effect of the operation, he gets a strange power in that he can actually read what is going on in the minds of others!

With this strange powers he meets people who are actually scheming within whilst they put up a friendly disposition with others. His exposures of people give some hillarious moments.

Like knowing the timing of ones end, if all of us can unravel the minds of others, it will become too difficult to have a peaceful social life!

In the days of Vikramatitya, a courtisan complained about a poor man of being intimate with her in his dreams for which she demanded 1000 gold coins as fee! This complaint she made based on the information she received through her cronies who over heard the private utterances of this poor man. The court ruled that it is enough the poor man pays her in his subsequent dream!

Way back in 88, a young and pretty woman officer joined our office. It was quite refreshing time that we got along so well to the envious eyes of others in the office! A concerned and caring staff member told me to stop being close to her, citing the rumors floating in the office.
I told him that we cannot stop people from carrying tales or rumors as we have no control over what others think and,in the same manner, they may even spread rumors about others. Within a month he came running to me complaining about the new rumors going around, linking him and a typist!

Well, leaks are the results of curious minds and spurious materials! So I have come to this conclusion that rumors, gossips and leaks are inevitable!

Luck quotient!

Humor club meeting on Diwali day brought smiles to me not just for its usual humor content. Although I could not participate in the procedings as a contestant as the event was mainly for couples who were present on that day, I received a surprise gift from a Lucky dip draw!

I could not wait longer to see the content which I opened the moment I reached home. I am sure you would also like this nice set of swans in crystal...

The best place to find them now is just in front of my TV..

Humor club has discovered my luck quotient as well!

Rebooting the 'Robot'

Sometimes you just don't have an urge to do what you wanted to do!

I saw this movie 'Endhiran' at Concord cinema on 7th October. I wanted to write a review immediately but desisted from doing so for fear of an adverse impact on the collections at box offices!

Now that the box offices have more than reaped their quota, I can jolly well write the review, without worrying a legal action!

Majority of unmarried girls would love this movie for one reason! Yes; there is now an option of falling in love with a machine than experiencing the same predicament of their mothers who have married 'living things' that seldom emote!

Older women will regret for having aged, but there is a solace in that mature Robots may come up for sale soon.

The story goes like this. One scientist, obsessed in artificial intelligence, creates a Robot which can actually emote and fall in love. Poor scientist did not realize that his fiancée, who is the most beautiful woman on the Earth, can fall in love with his creation! The scientist was so passionate with his work, whilst the robot quickly wins the heart of the Beauty.

Now the Beauty is bit confused, if she has to marry the un-interesting character or the new found 'vibrant'lover, the Robot!

The Scientist out of sheer jealousy dumps the Robot in a dumping yard only to be picked up by a rogue Scientist, who not only gives it fresh life, but also injects a villainous mind using a RED CHIP!

Now the new avatar, the Robot which has developed a fatal attraction for his master's GF, sets out on a blitzkrieg pursuit of its love!

Suddenly for some inexplicable reason, the Beauty realizes that machine is after all a machine and switches her loyalty back to the Scientist. Rogue Robot abducts the Beauty like a Super Ravan!

By switching off the electricity, Robot demon was made to loose its vigor and some how, the Scientist removes the RED CHIP from its abdomen.

Beauty now reunites with the Scientist to live boringly ever after!

Enjoyed Ash dancing with young 'llama at machu picchu' at Kilimanjaro! Robot Rajini is better than the Scientist Rajini! In the next film, Rajini can be replaced by Endhiran! Appears that story of the movie was a teamwork-hap hazard!

You can watch the movie so that 'art and money' goes to Kalanidhi!

H A P P Y D E E P A V A L I to Blog friends!

You have ear for (bad) music?

There are several occasions in which one can become a victim of bad music. Visiting my blog would be one such thing! Yes. Having bored enough with all my rantings, I thought I would spare you all from reading lengthy blogs! But if you have to gain some, you have to lose some! I roughed it out with an attempt to sing an old song... I hope to improve with some practice.. but not before creating a list of several victims in listeners like you!

Yes; previous Humor club program on 17th september witnessed a long awaited performance(?) from pretending singer, subu! Mr Guna the master of ceremonies, yielded to my pressure into giving a slot for my music (mis)adventure. He announced with all hyperboles and 'build-up' that a new generation "PBS" was waiting to enthrall the audience.

I went on to the stage and made all caveats and preludes to the effect that although I am good at singing another "AM Raja Song", since that track was not available, I would be singing this one from the feature film, "Pava mannippu".. and, even if the rendition did not turnout good, the audience still could generously (bestow their 'Paava mannippu') pardon me!

Now the pendrive I brought with the track music refused to open. I had to later on sing the other AM Raja song..."paatu padava" without background music. I give the link to my rendition of 'pava mannippu' for those who have ear for music!

Copy paste this address link in your browser and click 'download' and wait for 45 seconds to listen to the music!
http://www.zshare.net/download/81079182662d01e8/

Post Script:- Mr Suresh, the president of the Humor Club told me in no uncertain term that the platform is not for people like me who are trying to take the audience for a ride!

I think this would be the end of my play back singer dreams!